An Interheoretical Perspective on Shame and Guilt in Attachment
Tuba Dursun Tuncel
ABSTRACT
Shame is usually initially felt as general discomfort in the body. Then a feeling as if butterflies are flying intensifies in the abdomen in the form of tenderness and tension (Anxiety). The client, who focuses on her/his body, feels the shame rising in his chest; she/he feels constricted and strained (fear). The development of the false self is encouraged in the child growing up in a narcissistic family. The child either breaks away from himself and pleases his mother or tries to take care of himself at the risk of emotional abandonment. The false self creates a closed space, protecting the person from the stress of assertiveness-shame conflict. It is a shelter that imprisons a restrained and contrived role. The child felt shame because of the loss of attachment. This causes her/him to think that she/he does not deserve to be loved. Her/His sadness due to his abandonment depression also caused her to feel ashamed.
Shame caused the mourning to cease, be suppressed, and buried under a great defensive barrier. In therapy, while the feeling of shame arises between the therapist and the client, the self entirely feels the needs and conveys them to the therapist. Stage 2 The Other; responds with affirmative harmony. 3.The self receives approval (feels connected, secure and relaxed.) Stage 4, the self stops negative introjection. It also integrates authentic needs. There is merging with self and others. In the first part of this presentation;This will be discussed in the context of shame attachment from the perspectives of Bion, Bowlby, Stern, Schore, and Kohut.
In the second part of this presentation, a case example will be given who suffers deeply feelings of shame about being inadequate; placates other in a relationship and tries to protect herself from being abandoned. She had a feeling of inferiority and guilt began in her childhood in the relationship with her mother who was always controls and criticize her. She felt not good enough and unlovable and it is perpetuated in her current relationship. In the therapy process she was helped by the therapist to focus her body and felt feelings and then face with the feelings of shame and transform it.